Hot Blog: BIGNATURALS BIG NATURALS exclaimed as I ran into the kitchen, thinking he had cooked us another romantic dinner. The light in the kitchen was just the moonlight shining in the windows from outside. I flopped down into a chair, crying again.
I began talking out loud. "What to you want for breakfast tomorrow?" I asked. I stared blankly at the chair he always sat in, feeling a warmth against my leg as if he were sitting next to me.
I heard his voice echo through my head with his typical response, "You!" he'd laugh.
After a few days, I felt as if I was losing my mind. I'd lay in bed at night, not able to sleep and I'd feel Brian's arm around my waist or his breath on my neck as he slept close. I'd reach behind me only to find nothing again.
I cried everyday, feeling emptiness in my heart. I was numb. I just didn't know what to do without Brian in my life. This was different than when I pushed him away to be with Adam when we were still living in Michigan. I'll never see him again, except in my dreams.
Ron told me I could make all the decisions as far as Brian's funeral arrangements. I wanted him taken back to Michigan to be buried next to his mother. At the funeral home, I knelt in front of Brian's casket, caressed his cheek, holding a photo he'd taken of Adam and me at the park last summer and placed it in his hand as tears dripped from my chin onto the satin fabric lining his casket. Katie, Annie and Rose did their best to comfort me, but they knew nothing would help, I'd lost my soul. I walked over to Adam and hugged him tight while he sat with Jennifer. Ron wouldn't even walk up to Brian's casket, he just stood a few feet away, crying. Rose held him tightly as they wept together.
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